When the music changes, so does the dance
by slashburd
Summary: First Songfic, three short chapters. Codiasi. Angsty, suicidal thoughts. Things need to change and soon for both of them or it isn't going to end well. Rated M for M/M aspect, language, story themes.
1. High and Dry

**Author: slashburd  
Pairing: Cody Rhodes/Ted Dibiase  
Disclaimer: I do not know of any of this to be true, I don't know or own these people (but I'd secretly love to!)**

**Summary: M/M Slash, bad language, angst**

**_~Two jumps in a week, I bet you think that's pretty clever don't you boy.  
Flying on your motorcycle, watching all the ground beneath you drop.  
You'd kill yourself for recognition; kill yourself to never ever stop.  
You broke another mirror; you're turning into something you are not.~_**

"_Damaged goods, that's all you are, damaged, dirty and as ugly as the Devil himself."_

"_I always knew you'd grow up to disappoint me son. Pathetic pansy. Did I raise you that way?"_

Coming out was never going to be easy but he'd hoped his father would have mellowed with age. The black eye he was now carrying said otherwise.

"_Is that who you let fuck you Teddy? Is that your little boyfriend? You two make me sick, I didn't raise you to touch men like that Teddy. I was a good daddy to you."_

Ted upended the whiskey tumbler, draining the dregs into his mouth, no longer feeling the burn of the alcohol on his tongue. That feeling had long since passed, the demolition job he'd done on the full bottle of JB had seen to that. The numbness that he felt along his lips and into his mouth was too similar to how he felt inside to be comfortable.

It was too far this time but he was a forgiving man. His daddy taught him how to forgive at an early age, making sure 'L'il Tedder' said he forgave his father when the belt struck his skin in those moments of frenzy. Through the tears he would kneel in front of the cross and forgive those many trespasses against him, day after day, month after month and ultimately year after year.

Ted traced the diamond cut pattern on the glass, picking the sharpest points and pressing his fingers hard onto them. It felt good. Years ago he pressed things into his skin, but further up his arms, making marks he now tanned heavily to cover. So many nights Cody had laid in his arms and traced the scars, the faint pinkish chevrons that pointed towards the wrists he'd never quite had the courage to cut. Not even brave enough to see it through to the end. Story of his life. Failure always cut him deep.

His eyes locked on the dirty mark on the wall. It was imperfect, just like him. It was dirty, just like him. Screwing his eyes tightly shut he shuddered.

All he'd ever wanted was to be loved. To feel loved. Cody had given him that so it had to be right. Cody didn't hurt him. Cody cared, Cody forgave unconditionally.

~x~x~

**_~Drying up in conversation, you will be the one who cannot talk.  
All your insides fall to pieces, you just sit there wishing you could still make love  
They're the ones who'll hate you when you think you've got the world all sussed out  
They're the ones who'll spit at you. You will be the one screaming out._**

**_Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry  
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry~_**

The nights he laid and cried himself to sleep and pushed his lover away, unable to speak or feel anyone near him were always forgiven. The rages when he broke the crockery and cried for days were forgiven. Loving arms scooped him up from the cold kitchen floor, lifted him to places he had never known, places where forgiveness was given for free. Where love was. Where Cody was.

~x~x~

_**~Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry  
Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry~**_

The glass hit the mark right in the centre, exploding into a million icy sparkling shards. A drop of whiskey ran down the paint, not quite enough to make it to the floor. Like Teddy, never quite enough.

~x~x~

_**It's the best thing that you've ever had, the best thing that you've ever, ever had.  
It's the best thing that you've ever had; the best thing you've had has gone away.~  
**_

They'd argued and Cody had walked out. He'd threatened this in the past and never actually left before. This time was different. Ted found himself pinned to the wall, Cody's fists clenched hard. Ted just didn't want this to hurt either of them any more.

"You don't love me Cody. Nobody could love this. Nobody wants this in their life."

Nothing Cody said could convince Ted that there was love in his heart that meant the past didn't matter. Cody's pleading and promises had wound Ted up more and more until he'd shoved him hard away. For a split second his lover lost contact with the earth, then surging forward and slamming him into the wall.

"Teddy, he doesn't fucking matter anymore. Its about me and you now. Can't you see that?"

"I forgive him Codes. The sins of the father are visited upon his children."

"Well daddy's boy, if it's that easy to write it all off then it's about damned time you forgave yourself and moved on. Until then, we're through. I've had it with all this shit."

Cody grabbed his car keys and left. No further words spoken, not knowing if he had the strength to return.

_**~Don't leave me high, don't leave me dry~**_

A/N:

Hope this is working, just wanted to do something a bit different, less wordy, perhaps a bit more raw to add to the story. All reads and reviews appreciated as always :)


	2. Black Star

**Author: slashburd  
Pairing: Cody Rhodes/Ted Dibiase  
Disclaimer: I do not know of any of this to be true, I don't know or own these people (but I'd secretly love to!)**

**Summary: M/M Slash, bad language, angst**

**_~I get home from work and you're still standing in your dressing gown  
Well what am I to do?  
I know all the things around your head and what they do to you  
What are we coming to?  
What are we gonna do?~_**

Cody slammed his fists into the hood of the car over and over. The hot anger pounded out on the cold metal. Punches thrown until his fists were sore and bleeding, the metal buckling with the burning hate driving the clenched hands.

Buckling under the pressure? Sounded familiar. Too familiar for his liking.

"Fuck you Teddy, fuck you and your precious daddy. You forgive him. Forgive that bastard. So you lash out at me. And what did I do apart from build you up every time he wrecked you down?"

The tears came. Cody wanted to badly to turn back and find Teddy's arms again, draw him close and say it was all okay. Instead he stood in a deserted country lane battering the bodywork with blows that daddy DiBiase so richly deserved

~x~x~

**_~Blame it on the black star  
Blame it on the falling sky  
Blame it on the satellite that beams me home~_**

Back on the road tomorrow. He didn't want to leave Teddy like this. His gear was in the car, the gas was topped up so he had the option to keep on driving. Maybe seeing him on screen in the ring tomorrow night would make Teddy realise how much he missed him, how much he meant to him.

Maybe he would realised he was loved.

~x~x~

**_~The troubled words of a troubled mind I try to understand what is eating you  
I try to stay awake but its 15 hours since that I last slept with you  
What are we coming to?  
I just don't know any more~_**

Cody threw his head back and screamed, his throat wide open, pushing every last gasp out of his lungs until he fell to his knees. His head was in tatters, hot tears streaming. Stay or go. Fight or flight. Was it worth the fight, could he stop the clusterfuck that they were turning into? Could this ever be enough to make Teddy truly happy, to heal him enough for this to work?

Last night he'd curled round Teddy as shivered on the cold bathroom floor having emptied his stomach with the retching. Daddy called. Left a message. Brett's getting married. You're not invited. Don't bother contacting us. Dirty faggot.

~x~x~

_**Blame it on the black star  
**_**_Blame it on the falling sky  
Blame it on the satellite that beams me home~_ **

All the nights he'd been away lately made coming home harder. Talking on the phone late into the night, both of them lonely and desperate. Cody shuddered when he heard the tears in Teddy's voice, heard the pain of the little boy still trying to make sense of it all. Daddy loved him, maybe a little too much.

~x~x~

**_~I get on the train and I just stand about now that I don't think of you  
I keep falling over I keep passing out when I see a face like you  
What am I coming to?  
I'm going to melt down~ _**

So often he wanted to leave. His family didn't know anything about how things were. They knew Ted Sr too well to believe any of it. They didn't see Teddy tearing at his skin and his hair in the dead of the night, climbing the walls with the memories that haunted him.

Cody wanted to run and never look back, head for the hills and bury his head and the constant stream of worry and fear that trod through it every single day of his young life.

But he couldn't. Teddy wasn't a project, a job, a task. He was the one. The only one.

Holding the keys in his battered hand he stared down, the key to their home burning into the flesh.

**_~Blame it on the black star  
Blame it on the falling sky  
Blame it on the satellite that beams me home_**

**_Tonight, this is killing me~_**

~x~x~

**~Tonight, this is killing me~ **

"_Come home Codes, please come home......." A whisper in the wind._


	3. What about now?

**Author: slashburd  
Pairing: Cody Rhodes/Ted Dibiase  
Disclaimer: I do not know of any of this to be true, I don't know or own these people (but I'd secretly love to!)**

**Summary: M/M Slash, bad language, angst**

**_~Shadows fill an empty heart  
As love is fading  
From all the things that we are  
But are not saying  
Can we see beyond the stars  
And make it to the dawn?~_**

Ted claws at the door, the last thing Cody touched before he left. Desperate to feel close to him, Ted can't bear to be this lonely anymore. Every sinew knows without him this is over.

Whispers escape his lips. "Without you I'm nothing."

The glass presses through his jeans, piercing his knees, blood spotting through the fabric. His hands next, he feels the pinpricks and his head starts to swim. Warmth in his hands feels good. So good. Like touching Cody's skin. But Cody's gone.

Beautiful Cody. This fight as familiar as breathing.

~x~x~

Cody starts the car. Closing his eyes he rests his head against the cool glass of the window. The pressure and the chill against his temple feels good. The hot tears still come, his cheeks sore from the salty streaks that mark him.

Bloodshot eyes like Teddy's. Like every night he gets home off a long flight and his heart breaks when he walks through the door, everything exactly as he left it.

Teddy as he left him. Broken, alone.

~x~x~

**_~Change the colors of the sky  
And open up to  
The ways you made me feel alive  
The ways I loved you  
For all the things that never died  
To make it through the night  
Love will find you~_**

Out in the yard Teddy stood over the fire. It was warm. Like touching Cody's skin. He pressed his hands out towards the flames, the reflection lighting up his eyes. For the first time in years he smiled when he was alone.

The fire spat. Out into the air flew a charred photo. There was daddy's face, burned at the corners. Smile half gone. He poked the fire with a stick and there was a clang of metal. The buckle glowed red with heat. The leather cracking and catching light with as the flames raged. Time to say goodbye.

A moment of clarity came when he least expected it. The edge of the glass felt good against his wrist. He pressed a little harder but nothing happened.

The disappointment of being a failure washed over him again. He was still here.

There was no trace of blood running down towards the shining golden band. Inside it said "All my love, Cody." Still here. Inside Teddy's head the message read "All my love Cody."

~x~x~

Jamming his foot to the floor the car roared and raced away. The quiet moonlit open roads were perfect, peaceful and serene; all the things life wasn't.

Picking up speed Cody felt the adrenaline coursing in his veins. His heart soared and he was carefree for those precious seconds. Life should always feel like this; soaring, epic, incredible. Smiling widely he turned to grin at Teddy. Teddy wasn't there.

Where was Teddy? So many reasons why he wasn't there. Things had to change. Move on.

~x~x~

**_~What about now?  
What about today?  
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?  
What if our love never went away?  
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?  
Baby, before it's too late  
What about now?~_**

Turning his back to the fire Teddy walked back towards the house. Their home. He knew he was home. He was sorry.

~x~x~

_**~The sun is breaking in your eyes  
To start a new day  
This broken heart can still survive  
With a touch of your grace  
Shadows fade into the light  
I am by your side  
Where love will find you~**_

Sweeping the glass into the dustpan Teddy headed into the utility room and dumped the shards into the bin. He pulled the lid back on with a purpose, slamming it down hard. Casting his eyes out to the yard he saw the fire still burned brightly into the murky dawn that was fast approaching.

Every trace of who he was formed smoke that surged into the clear sky. Photos of him as part of a happy family, certificates he'd won, trophies he'd been given, the clippings his daddy collected of all the victories, his release letter; every trace of his legacy.

All that remained was the photos he could remember being taken, the love letters he cherished and the cards that Cody had sent him for birthdays, Christmas and Valentines while they'd been together. 'Be Mine', 'I Love You', 'Forever', 'At Christmas and Always'.

"I love you Codes." Stroking inked signatures, feeling closer now.

~x~x~

He stopped the car and put it into park. Never more sure than now that his journey was over. It had been over before it even started.

Cody's heart raced. A challenge lie ahead that he didn't know how to handle. An opponent that he'd lost every time he fought. He jumped out of the car and grabbed his bag, lowering his head and striding confidently towards this challenge. The only challenge he'd yet to conquer.

He stalled for a minute outside the entrance, wondering whether or not this time he'd emerge victorious. Closing his eyes he imagined his hand raised above his head, his name called as the winner. He swallowed hard, puffed out his chest and pushed the door open, heading inside.

~x~x~

_**~Now that we're here  
Now that we've come this far  
Just hold on  
There is nothing to fear  
For I am right beside you  
For all my life  
I am yours~**_

Ted heard a knock at the front door. The neighbours probably weren't too happy about the smouldering fire in the yard.

As he walked towards it he began speaking, trying to pacify the visitor.

"Sorry, I'm just having a................."

In the doorway was not their neighbour.

"No need to be sorry Teddy. No need at all."

"You........ you came back......."

~x~x~

Dropping his bag on the floor Cody was shaking. The man he loved was stood before him, so vulnerable. He reached out a hand and cupped it around Ted's cheek, brushing the soft skin with the pad of his thumb, He waited for his hand to be knocked away or the voice telling him not to be so blatant or the sad look to cross the handsome face he adored with all his heart.

Instead he was treated to the sight of Teddy's eyes staring straight back into the blue pools that had witnessed his sorrow more times than either man would care to remember. This was finally beginning. The electricity flowed between them, drawing them into as deep a kiss as they'd ever shared.

As he dropped the belt into the fire that night Teddy had promised himself and an absent Cody that he would change. He would continue to forgive but only himself for taking the blame and for never seeing what had been so clear all along. He promised that if he ever got the chance he would look into those eyes and see that the love that Cody had promised him but he'd never had the courage to believe in was there.

Teddy couldn't explain just how his final failure had been the catalyst for the change he'd needed to save his life. _"All my love, Cody." _Cody couldn't explain why he'd turned that car round and headed home. "_All my love Cody."_

As their tongues twisted there was common ground in both minds.

_**~What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?  
What about now?~**_

A/N:

Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

The songs are High and Dry - Radiohead, Black Star - Radiohead and bizzarely, What about Now - Daughty or Westlife, depending on which version you like best.

All reads and reviews appreciated :)


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